Jeanne D'Arc Belzebuth

Back in those days when I would play NBA Jam Session, announcer Marv Alpert would bitingly scream, "BOOM SHAKALAKA," after a monster dunk. I always played with Shaq. Shaq's only weakness was his teammate, Scott Skiles. Skiles favorite position in NBA Jam was lying on his back because he was always getting dunked on.

As I write this, I'm drinking a French beer called Belzebuth. The French haven't done much right, but they got this beer right as far as high abv goes. The beating my liver is taking from this beer is akin to the ones NBA Jam Scott Skiles took. Belzebuth tastes like a standard Belgium ale, but it's dryer than dry. Like a puff of smoke, it literally dissapears on your tongue. This quality is disarming because it comes in at 12% a.b.v., but the mouthfeel is nowhere near what one would expect of such a high alcohal brew. The ass in the photo above must have been fooled by this and drank too much Bezelbuth. It tends to make you do things like lick beer bottles while making your eyes look insane.

Clipper City's Heavy Seas "Hang Ten"

Another beer in the 'Heavy Seas' series from Clipper City in Syphilis City, Maryland, is Hang Ten. It's a Weizen Dopplebock and it means my friend the pirate is back. I'm not positive but I think a Weizen Dopplebock is a Double Bock brewed with a portion of wheat in lieu of being an all barley malt ale. This beer is paying tribute to the style made famous by Aventis of Germany.

Hang Ten has a sharply acidic yeast nose with hints of sour lemon. It's coloration is browish red and puts heads to bed with it's 10% a.b.v. One can't tell there is so much alcohol in this beer from taste alone. The body is fairly thin where it should be heartier, ala Loose Cannon. The flavor has a yeasty tang tempered by a hefty malt flavor with hints of fig. A good beer, it pays tribute to Aventis fairly well, but if you want the perfect representation of this style I would recommend Aventis.

Apparently Clipper City is trying to drive me crazy with it's Heavy Seas labels. They have a penchant for pairing good beers with ridiculous labels. The pirate in the Seinfeld shirt from 'Loose Cannon' is back. Once again: he is oblivious to the danger he is in, the bird refuses to fly and I'm left wishing something in the picture would just kill them both already. If the shark would just bite off the pirate's hand, maybe he would stop drawing these labels. Beers of this high caliber demand better labels. This is probably the same pirate who walked into a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch and when the bartender asked him how the steering wheel got there said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts."

Bell's Two Hearted Ale

Two Hearted Ale is a fantastic IPA from Bell's brewery in Kalamazoo, Michigan. This brew starts with a citrus hop aroma close to grapefruit but also lemony. It's really hoppy and the aroma is sharp and powerful. The hop aroma carries over into the flavor. There is a firm malt body, adding a balancing force to the strength of the hops. The label is great as well. For whatever reason, most beers don't have labels that are so suggestive of a way of life. It would be funny if Natty Light did. Picture a Natty label with a college guy standing in a kiddie pool. He is under a waterfall of beer that sloshes around his calves and has a huge grin that implies he would rather be nowhere else. That would be a nice label.

Boston Beer Tour

I was in Boston last weekend and, as is my wont, went out and got some good beers. Mostly, I hit up oldies but goodies I can't get my hands on in the Siberian winter of beer that Florida is. I didn't really get to try any new beers because I found so many that I knew were money. I like to do a little quality control just to check and make sure my favorite ladies haven't changed.

I went for Bear Republic's Racer 5 IPA first. This is probably the best IPA I've ever had. It's perfect and I wouldn't change a thing about it. It has a spot-on balance of malt and hops and neither one gets out of line. The aroma varies between citrus and pine. It has a long silky body that highlights both the malt and the hops. This beer is liquid luxury.


Avery 'Twelve' Saison Ale is Avery's twelveth anniversary beer. A Saison is a spiced Belguin farm ale brewed to toast the spring. This version is the most appetizing form of Saison that I've encountered. It has a spicey, soapy cinnamon aroma and I mean this in the best way. It tastes like spiced cake and smells like a cosmetic product. I would bathe myself in it if that were acceptable. This beer is amazing for it's uniqueness. It is very rare (and possibly out of production) so I would recommend grabbing it if you see it in the store.



Next, I was on to Middle Ages BrewCo's Druid Fluid out of Syracuse, NY (I think). The Druids were some sort of midget people from England similar to present day Gypsies. This beer is a barley wine. It has smooth and thin body that isn't as thick and robust as most barley wines. This suits it because it's easier to cram more of it into your stomach. It's high in alcohol too. I drank a bottle at a family party and considered myself lucky that my pants were still on when I finished. My point isn't to mention that my family takes off their pants at parties but rather that it is high in alcohol. Unfortunately I didn't take notes and I was a little drunk when I drank it, so I don't have anything important to say about the flavor, etc. I will say that this is a great beer. The brewery makes a whole line of beers that are all good, well-made, tasty ales.

Pictured here is a picture that's very small. Dogfish Head's Raison d'Extra is pictured small for your own protection. This is the portion size I would recommended trying of this beer, that is to say small. It's somewhere around 15%. D'extra is a jacked up version of Raison D'etre, similar to Barry Bond's head circa 2006 vs. his head circa 1989: Big and Bulbous. This ale is brewed with a boatload of raisins. It's sort of like a Port in a.b.v. and flavor/aroma. It has a big aroma and flavor with notes of prunes and, obviously, raisins. Unlike my counterpart, I shared this Dizzy Fizzle beer with four people. My portion was 3 or 4 ounces. Even with such a small glass, I still felt it like a shot of whiskey. I even had to slow myself down on three ounces, but that was because it was lunch time. In my opinion, this is Dogfish Head's best attempt at a high alcohol beer as far as flavor is concerned. The World Wide Stout has more complexity, but you can find yourself wondering why they brewed it and, worse, wondering why you are drinking it. Raison D'Extra on the other hand, has a good flavor and is pleasing to drink if you like big, dank, pruney flavors like certain Ports.

Avery Hog Heaven

Hog Heaven is Avery's Barley Wine offering. It has 9.2% a.b.v. and a healthy dose of hops at 100 IBUs. It comes with a hoppy aroma but you also can the smell the considerable amount of malt in it. The first thing that jumped out at me was the bitterness. It comes very close to having too much bitterness. However, this beer has complexity and depth. The malt flavor combines with the bitterness to provide a slight chocolate flavor. There is also an orange citrus flavor. All these flavors kind of meld together in a strange dance and you don't really know what flavors will jump out next. On top of that, it attains an oaky flavor as it warms up (good beer often tastes better as it warms above refrigerator temperature as cold liquid paralyzes the taste buds). This beer is quite heavy as well. It has a thick, almost solid aspect to it, and a brown red color to match. It's a full flavored ale, and not for the faint of heart.